Are you really alone?

Alone: having no one else present; on one’s own. 

As I sit here alone watching the moon dance with the haze of clouds in the night sky I find myself thinking about the words on this page and where I am at now compared to where I was just a few weeks ago when I started writing this. Now, I have found and discovered a sense of contentment in being alone. Not that I am completely alone, but I have realized that in my aloneness I can discover God more fully. By discovering God more fully I realize that I was never as alone as I thought I was because He was right there with me all along and never left me. The next three paragraphs are what I wrote a few weeks ago. Read and see my disparity in being and feeling so alone. 

As a single person it can be very difficult to shake the feeling of being alone. In this world the single, young adult population works at least one full-time job, often more than one job. We often live in apartments or a room in a house with people we barely know (and maybe don't like), if you live with people that you consider to be your friends, you are one of the lucky few. For me, church is a very important part of my week as it allows me a chance to get fellowship with my friends and if only for the space of a few hours a couple times a week, not feel alone. Very few people are fortunate enough to have their church and friends to be right next door, or even within walking distance. Our modern, technology-focused culture says that social media and social networks are the new norm. We try to forget that God created us to be in community with other people and replace it with online hangouts.  

I am continually finding that the online forms of ‘being social’ and ‘hanging out’ do not satisfy my needs for interacting with people. Granted, working a customer service type of job I get a lot of interaction with people on a daily basis, but that is a superficial façade. My job is a world where people ask how you are doing but could care less about the answer most of the time. At the end of the day I find myself going home exhausted from play acting to be someone I'm not all day and then have little to no desire to actually invest in any of my real friends. Online socializing and texting is also a mediocre substitute that we have used for the real deal.  

It can be hard to accept the fact that you are not truly alone when you feel so very alone. I know that I am not alone... I do have several friends and my family. I know that my family will be there for me no matter what. But my friends can be fair weather friends, that they will be there for me when it suits them. It's very hard to reach out and feel so unimportant at times, my reaching out is responded to with silence, and it feels like rejection. A rejection that hurts... at this very moment, I am alone, on my own and having no one else present. Sometimes being alone can be good, other times it is quite dangerous.

If your aloneness can lead you to a place where you realize your need for God, that, is an amazing thing! Then, you can find sweet communion with Him in your quiet times and will be well equipped to fight the toughest of battles that life brings your way. I cannot pretend to have everything perfect or even begin to tell you how to find any measure of contentment, besides telling you to ask God for it, but I can tell you to keep seeking Him in everything. Make time for God above your friends, put His needs above your own, and you will experience true and real joy. I hope that my vulnerability touches at least one person and challenges you to seek your Lord. 

Seeking The Profound Poem

Seeking the profound

I'm in search of something deeper,
That cannot be washed away.
Unwilling to settle for the cheaper,
Nor wanting to see myself sway.

I'm wading, trying to drown,
But looking down, my feet are dry.
Seeing this causes me to frown,
And I have to wonder... Why?

I'm running off of the docks,
Will I ever be able to drown?
I've tripped on the rocks,
And I fall, my face down.

I long to drown in the Lord,
So He may be my source of life.
By reading more of His Word,
I may find there to be less strife.

In my own strength, my feet are dry,
The devil is holding me back, smugly.
I trip, I fall, I fail, and then, I cry.
As my eyes open, I realize the ugly.

A hand reaches out from the sea,
A voice calls, "You don't need a hand!"
Another gently says, "Rely on Me!"
I'm lost and torn, trying to understand.

The Hand reaches again for mine,
Urging acceptance from the sea.
I hesitate, before letting our hands align,
Seeing this, the devil does flee.

Thoughts on Modesty for Men

I've been thinking about writing this one for a while. A lot of people write posts/article/blogs/whatnot about modesty directed towards women. They are written by women and men alike. But I haven't seen any (that I can recall) directed towards men. So here it is:

*Disclaimer: I know that this may not pertain to everybody, so I am sorry if you feel I have offended or misrepresented you. I would gladly read it if you'd like to write you own post on the subject.

To men, especially Christian men, but if you are not a Christian and take this to heart, awesome! Firstly, did you know that women sometimes struggle with lustful thoughts too? Did you know that you are at times the cause of that? And other times, you're simply showing too much and we would simply rather not see it.

• That thing you do where your shirt is choking you and you leave it halfway unbuttoned... not cool. That can cause a women to notice your chest and possibly your chest hair aanndd I think you can figure out where our minds sometimes go from there. I'm not saying it has to be buttoned all the way, just another button or two should be fine. 
• Also, I know that you just love to show off your manliness by randomly go shirtless around town, at the beach, and while working at home too. If you are not toned or older, it's simply not attractive and we'd rather not see it. If you are toned, we are so looking and what is going on in our minds is not pure. Also not saying you can't ever go shirtless, just think about how you would feel if all the women around you were shirtless before going shirtless. I prefer that you wear a shirt and will try not to trip when you don't. 
• I know that those jeans with all the holes in them are your favorite and the most comfortable pair you own. But some of those holes are in places that are very tacky. Please get a new pair of jeans once in a while. And if you love those so much, wear them to bed, not in public. 
• You might think its cool to show you underwear or boxers or whatever. News flash, it's tacky and just plain nasty. Don't want to see it, get a belt gangsta boy! 
• Oh and showing up in public with tight pants, shorts, or pajama bottoms is like the worst thing ever. It shows off way too much of everything. In our minds that is again tacky and nasty. And if we struggle with lust, it also causes some really dirty thoughts. It's about like a cleavage bearing top. By the way, this one goes for speedos too, please don't ever don one! 
• And please, tuck your shirt in if you are gonna bend over. 

I think that covers just about everything for now. May add more thoughts to this as I have them. Brothers, please help your sisters out by taking this to heart. 

On God, the devil, and dreams.

I am at a fragile point in my life right now. Maybe not any more fragile than I am on a daily/regular basis. But it feels fragile. I suppose that we are all fragile in some way or another almost all of the time.

Anyway, I have been tormented in and through my dreams the last couple nights. First dreaming that I was being hunted down. Then dreaming of something I desire to be true as true then finding myself disappointed when I awoke to find it not true. (followed by a wondering of where exactly it came from). The next dream found me doing what started out as being normal and eventually lead to just plain not nice behavior that I was disappointed in.

I am left after all of this wondering where each of my dreams came from? Is this God trying to teach me a lesson or tell me something that I am not getting? Is this the devil getting into my mind through dreams to mess with me in an area where I find myself to be weak? Is this my subconscious sending me a message of some sort? Or is incompletely unrelated and unconnected to anything and anyone? I wish I knew...

I do think that there is a measure of truth to be found in each of these possibilities. So as far as the devil goes, I command you, Satan in the name of Jesus that you get away from me and leave me alone. And as far as the rest goes, I am left to try and decifer the meaning of all of this, help me Lord to know what to make of it, where to change, and how to lean on You!

Loving peace in the midst of so much.

There have been so many things going on in my life lately. A few drastic changes within the last year, and some minor ones in more recent months as well. Been trying to work through everything and come to a place where I am happy with life again. Today I can say that I have peace with where I am at and contentment with my current situation. Not to say that everything is hunky-dory and going amazing, just that I am happy with where God has me. To anyone that has prayed for me, I thank you. :)

Thoughts about current state of contentment or lack thereof.

I am at a point in my life where I'm just not sure about a lot of things. What is the next step when you lose your job? Why should you go get one when you would rather stay home with your family? What do you do when you can't find a job that suits you? It's hard to know when to settle or not... I know that God has all the answers, but I still feel like a blithering idiot. Maybe I am crazy. Because I am at the point where I am, (only working a part-time job and having to work hard to find a worthwhile job beyond that) I wish now, even more, that I could be married and able to stay at home. However, God has not seen it fit to provide a husband, that I know of, yet. Maybe I am not ready, but that is for Him to decide, not me. I cannot deny that I wish He would decide that I was ready. Wishing it so will not make it happen though.
So, I guess that my prayers are for wisdom to know what my next step is, patience to be content to wait, and God's hand and timing in all of it.

Hard to KNOW

It is hard to know,
Hard to know who is on the Lord's side. Are you one of His? Or has the devil tricked you into assurance? I try to decide for myself from the fruits that I see.
Sometimes my vision of true Christianity is blurred by the opinions of others.

For example: Imagine two groups of people each telling you that the other group is not 'as Christian as they should/could be'. At that point what do you say? Who do you believe? And how do you KNOW and judge for yourself.

Trying not to be a judgmental and critical person, but when surrounded by those who are both, how do you manage to see with the two eyes that the Lord has given you? Can you really see clearly at that point?

The only way to find clear vision is to seek the Lord so that He can reveal to you the clarity that you seek.