Solutions to Major life decisions

I had some major decisions that had been laid upon my plate. Well, I have decided what I am theoretically planning to do and I would like to share with you. I was trying to decide where to live, what direction to take my schooling, and when to go on the mission field. I have now decided that I will stay in Rhinelander for one more year and finish out my schooling. My projected graduation date is May of 2011. After I graduate, I will move my things home to my parents house and leave the country for about six months going to Greece and Turkey to work with missionaries that I know in each place. My plan is to work two jobs this summer and pay my car off while also saving for my mission trip. If I do not have the funds when I graduate, I will keep working until I do have the funds. I thank anyone who prayed for me while I was making these decisions and ask that you would continue to keep me in your prayers as I do my best to serve God.

The Northwoods Winter Adventure Pictures

Here is the most of the group at the table for breakfast on Saturday morning.













Amanda and Reuben, I like this picture...














Betsy. It was a little far away though.















A good portion of the group before the skating really started.













Hockey just starting, practice mostly.














Deciding teams I believe...














Just getting started.






































Betsy watching the hockey.











A wild game in progress.









Clayton was a party-pooper and wasn't skating. So the girls felt sorry for him, and came to talk to him.









Jeannie and Rebekah eating, I tried not to take any terrible pictures.

I did take a couple pictures of Katie around this time too, but they didn't turn out very well.








Benjamin waiting to be given a job.









Benjamin and Emily. Ben was ready and waiting for this one, but I wasn't zoomed in enough.











I really like this one, Katie was being admonished by her mother to go and lie down for a while, and she asked Laura to come with as well. So in the end they were both sent to go lie down, the looks on their faces are priceless.

Jesus Draw Me Close

Jesus, draw me close
Closer, Lord, to You.
Let the world around me fade away.

Jesus, draw me close;
Closer, Lord, to You.
For I desire to worship and obey.

This is a song that I feel is a desire of my heart right now. I want to grow closer to Him. I desire to have a very personal relationship with Him. I want Him to be the complete center of my life, to take all of my plans, fears, hopes, tears, every single thing in my life and make it completely HIS. I do not want to retain anything for myself, I only want HIM. Nothing more, the rest, God You can have. "Take my life, and let it be, consecrated Lord, to Thee." I am tired of trying to do this all myself, and not getting anywhere because I am not competent. I give up, I give in. I have been fighting for too long. Whatever You want Lord, is what I want too. Whatever You will, I will do. Give me the strength and the courage to follow, to let go, to wait, to be patient, to be willing to go where You want me, to stay when You want me, to speak Your words, to do Your will, to act for You, to be You living through me, to let my whole life and being emanate You.

I kind of turned this into a prayer, but I am only saying what I feel needs to be said.

I feel so far away from God, and yet inherently drawn to Him at the same time.

I keep thinking about this decision that I have to make. I am trying to decide where to live and what to do. As far as where to live I can 1. stay here and find a new room-mate 2. stay here regardless of a room-mate 3. move to a different place in town 4. move home 5. go on the mission field. And as far as what to do, I am considering whether or not I should finish school, and if I should finish school should I do it here in Rhinelander, or back home in Rice Lake. I am also trying to decide how and when to go out on the mission field. I know that I should go, but then when and how is the hard part.
So anyway, I just keep thinking about this, and there are no easy answers that seem to pose themselves. I want to be praying about this, but each time I think about it, I find that I simply cannot pray. I am not sure exactly why, but I think that I am so afraid of what God's answer is going to be that I am unable to even talk to Him about it. So as a result, I feel far away from God, but at the same time, I feel so drawn to Him, in that I keep thinking about praying and yet each time I cannot.

Still searching but maybe not His will, maybe something else...

I am really restless right now. I want to be getting out and doing things, going places. And not just in the town, or even outside, in other states or even other countries. This is not the first time that I have been restless. I am not sure what the root of this is, but here it is. I would just ask for prayer right now as I try to let go and give my entire life to God. I want Him to have everything down to the last hair on my head, and the last thought in my mind. I just am not sure what to do or to think right now. I was challenged today, which is hard, but good. And there are other things that are going on in my life where I feel like it is slowly but surely crumbling. I am loosing the certainty that I do have, once again, and I will have to find a new one somehow, someway. But I don't even know where to start, how to even begin.

Searching for His will

Trying to find God's will for your life can be very difficult. I am in the process of searching. I think that I am being lead in the direction of missions, but I am not sure. There was an open door, or so I thought, that I tried to go through only to find the door to be shut in my face. I am now looking for another door, or a window, or something, maybe even the glue on my chair. If you don't know what I meant by that, I was referring to the possibility of no opportunity available of which I am to take advantage of. Searching is never fun, it takes so long to find the results that you are looking for, and sometimes, the results that you find are not what you expected.