I feel so far away from God, and yet inherently drawn to Him at the same time.

I keep thinking about this decision that I have to make. I am trying to decide where to live and what to do. As far as where to live I can 1. stay here and find a new room-mate 2. stay here regardless of a room-mate 3. move to a different place in town 4. move home 5. go on the mission field. And as far as what to do, I am considering whether or not I should finish school, and if I should finish school should I do it here in Rhinelander, or back home in Rice Lake. I am also trying to decide how and when to go out on the mission field. I know that I should go, but then when and how is the hard part.
So anyway, I just keep thinking about this, and there are no easy answers that seem to pose themselves. I want to be praying about this, but each time I think about it, I find that I simply cannot pray. I am not sure exactly why, but I think that I am so afraid of what God's answer is going to be that I am unable to even talk to Him about it. So as a result, I feel far away from God, but at the same time, I feel so drawn to Him, in that I keep thinking about praying and yet each time I cannot.